black star of darkness

I like how this is going, it is quite a gripping story, but I must agree with the above post, your grammar really does need working on, plus at times ...

A world so wonderful, People so lively, Cities so alive, And nature so fertile. I like this first stanza, very nice imagery - Yet one man, Can’t feel a thing, ...

Hi, this is my first post in a while for many reasons, so I'll appreciate any helpful comments and obviously I may be slightly rusty. Enjoy ! ---------------------------- I hold ...

CHAPTER 1 It began for me, I think -my memory may be slightly impaired by all this alcohol I have been comforting myself with- as all good stories don't begin, ...

Heavily edited and slightly shortened- Enjoy and stay tuned for more! PROLOUGE Hi, I'm not too sure about this whole writing thing to be honest with you. Let's get that ...

PROLOUGE Hi, I'm not too sure about this whole writing thing, to be honest with you. Let's get that straight from the off- I have never written more than about ...

I like this, it is a very powerful poem, with a good use of repetition. However, I think it could have done with some more work on the rhythm, as ...

I liked this and i could see what you were getting at, but a number of things were in it that failed to draw me, the reader, in: a) Take ...

He scampers up the hill. The sun, is shining bright. Joyfully, he skips, as he ascends this great height. His mind, it is racing, with a high Expectation What awaits ...

Dancing, swirling, twirling, spinning in a pool of light Hidden, unknown and concealed, In the deepest depths of the night. Creeping, crawling, sneaking, Someone's in the darkness outside, Secretive,

yeh the / is meant for a pause, you see on some lyrics when they are written down.

(Chorus) Lies, all lies, Everything in this world Is a lie. Lies, all lies, From the day that we are born 'Till the day that we die, Verse 1 You ...

Sorry I accidentally posted the last one before I had finished, I think that you should work on the shape of your fututre poems whilst retaining the same emotional qualities ...

Yeah this really made me feel something, although as mentioned before it is a bit of a mish-mash lacking proper structure and shape. However I liked the emotional quality,

Hey this is a sonnet I wrote at school and liked, so would some peeps mind giving their opinion please! My lonely soul forever lost to me, Out of reach ...